that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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