don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
