Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
