Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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