How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
