i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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