If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
accomplished twins. life is a go
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
