i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
