he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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