Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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