how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
