grandma shit on top of the toilet
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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