Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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