Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
MIDGETS
????
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
PANTIES FOUND
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