Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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