...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
