Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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