Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
