Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
