they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
