I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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