he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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