I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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