I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
