What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
