i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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