my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
