Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
