Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
