Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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