She went from zero to smokin in five shots
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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