its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
