Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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