So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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