Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
