She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
