sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
