I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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