I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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