i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
