I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
