stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
