The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
