Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
