why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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