I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
