They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
