He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
