I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
