I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
