I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
