Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
