so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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