so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
